So, I have been trying, quite unsuccessfully to get my big ole body into shape. I have been walking/running every morning (a few were missed, yes) for the last 5 or so weeks. I have lost a total of 2 pounds and 0 inches. I'm discouraged at my lack of physical change, but I must say I do feel better mentally! I guess that's progress, even if it wasn't what I started out trying to do. :)
I don't know if my body will ever cooperate. It's frustrating, but I do know this. The people in my life who love me, love me for who I am, not what I look like. If they don't then they don't really love me. I am very, extremely, hugely blessed with so many who love me! Thank you all for that! I love you too. I know it's not what's on the outside, but the inside that counts. I do. But I also would like to 'like' to look at myself in the mirror. I do love myself. I am grateful for my body and my health and everything I have. And I have much. I am very blessed. I just would like my body to be a bit smaller...
One thing that is holding me back, is my eating habits. I don't want to eat rabbit food. I want to eat what I like and like what I eat. I don't eat totally awfully, but I don't eat the most healthfully either. I am trying the portion control method. Starting now. Also, I am taking my cousin's yearly no sugar challenge in October. I hope that does something. I'm not a health guru, nor do I ever want to be. I just want to drop a few pounds, be a little more healthy and happy. Is that too much to ask for?
Anyway, the reason I started out like that was because I kind of had an epiphany this morning while walking. I don't know if that's what it was, but it was a kind of realization. I am blessed.
OK, I knew that already. I have known that for a long time. I am supremely grateful for that. But in thinking over and thanking my Heavenly Father for my blessings this morning, I came to a realization. I am blessed in more and deeper ways than I have ever thought of. Or realized. Probably more than I will EVER realize. I know we all are, but I was thinking personally... of course. :)
Ever since I can remember, I have tried to be good. To be a good person, to make good choices. I didn't always succeed, as we all make mistakes, but I think thus far, I have done a pretty good job. It's always been just something that's there, it's hard to explain, but I just never WANTED to do bad things. Ever. Of course I have done bad things and made mistakes, but I always tried my hardest to right things and fix them when I did. And still do. Also, bad things have happened to me. Things beyond my control. I feel the pain of those things. I go through the bad. But I think I have a gift (another thing I realized this morning) of buffering the pain soon after the bad thing happened. I don't know, but it seems when I look back at the things in my life that hurt me the most, I was able to cope better than I imagined I could. I think that is the gift of the Spirit, comforting me. Does that mean I'm open to the Spirit? I think most of the time I am. I have my moments I'm sure when I'm not, but I think for the most part, my Spirit is open for the Holy Ghost to comfort me when I am in need of that. And also to guide me. I don't do all the things in my life that I should by far, I am flawed and human. But I am trying and growing, I hope. I think I am close enough to the Spirit that I can be comforted in my times of need. I think that is a great blessing.
I don't know. Maybe I'm rambling. I just feel like I am blessed to have a sunny outlook on life most of the time. Even in hard times. Like now. Dell has a job, but it's isn't enough to sustain us permanently. He needs a better job. A permanent job. He got laid off almost a year ago! That has been the biggest hardship as a couple we have faced together. I was so scared when they announced the layoffs, but it turns out we have done OK. Better than I thought we would. But we need a good job. Soon. I also know that we will get though this. We will look back and think "that wasn't so bad..." or at least I will. :)
My sister dying. That was the worst thing I have gone through personally. Spiritually. Mentally. Physically. It still hurts every day. But I know she isn't gone forever! I know I will see her again! It really sucks that I have to wait, I don't have much patience... but I know. I am SO grateful for that knowledge!!! I have been comforted. The pain is there, but buffered. I will always miss her. But I can go on.
I know I could probably go on and on and on...... It's kind of hard to explain in words how I feel. I will say, I just feel happy and blessed. I love my life and wouldn't change it for anything! I wouldn't trade my good times, nor would I change my trials, and hard times. They are mine. I am grateful to have all that I have. Nothing that I have that I am truly grateful for can be bought, it has nothing to do with money! (well.... except for my home and transportation) Family and Friends and Love. That is where it's at. And right there... I have it all.
3 comments:
Good for you, Steph! You've got this.
I don't know if you've followed any of the stuff I've written lately, but I've been trying to get healthy/lose weight since the beginning of the year. So far, I've lost 70 pounds. You know that I've always been big, but I had gotten up to 350 pounds, and started to feel handicapped by my weight. I couldn't do normal stuff. That had to stop.
I took a geeky approach (of course), treating my body and my eating as a system, like a computer. it has inputs, outputs, and rules. Once I learned those, the path was clear (but not easy). One pound of body weight is equal to 3500 calories. If you want to lose 2 pounds per week (7000 calories), you have to eat 1000 fewer calories per day than you burn.
That means you have to measure (or guesstimate as best you can) both what you eat, and what you burn. Luckily, the what you burn part is easy. There's a formula, and lots of free tools out there that will help you. I use LoseIt.com, but there's also FitDay.com, myFitnessPal, etc. They'll help you figure out what your daily calorie budget should be.
Then, all you have to do is stay under your calorie budget each day. You can eat whatever the heck you want, but you have to stay under your budget. Want a big fat piece of chocolate cake after dinner? Make sure you plan for it by eating lighter throughout the day. You can also gain "extra" calories by counting your exercise. Walking or running 1 mile burns about 100 calories. Sites and apps like LoseIt.com (which is totally free, and I can't recommend enough) help you track all of this.
I didn't mean to come in here all preachy, telling you what you should do, or minimizing how hard it is. It's tough to relearn eating habits. It takes time. Lots of time. But it can be done. I'm on my way to a healthy weight (175 - I haven't weight that little since I was like 14!), but it's going to take me until next fall to get there. In the mean time, I feel better than I have in a decade. I have energy. I don't hurt when I walk or stand. I can play more with my kids. I had to buy smaller clothes.
As your friend, I'm saying hang in there, you can do this. I hope my suggestions are helpful - they're by no means perfect, but they're working well for me and lots of people I know. And they're sane. They're healthy. They're not short term "tricks" to fool your body. It's all about understanding your body, what it needs (versus what it wants), and using that knowledge to make your food choices.
You've got tons of people to love and support you, no matter what your weight/health/circumstances, and I know you'll be blessed no matter what. It's so good to hear you say how grateful you feel. You're a wonderful person, and if changing your health and body is something you want to do, you'll do it. And we'll be here to help however we can. :-)
Oh, Steph, how I love you! You are beautiful inside and out. You are the perfect example of Christlike love and forgiveness. You've been through harder times than most people on earth will ever have to face and look at you - you are happy, content and thankful! You make your life fun and interesting for your kids and Dell. You are a huge support to your mom and brother. You are a true friend. You serve willingly in callings and don't complain. You CHOOSE good and you ARE good and you receive blessings because of your efforts! You don't judge others and you never make anyone feel bad - you are a peacemaker! You just love life!
I'm so grateful to have you in my life. So many people could learn from you and live happier lives - thank you for sharing. Moigner to the moon! Kaye
Steph, you are so amazing! You have an eternal perspective and that is a gift of the spirit! Along with other gifts you have. Realizing you have spiritual gifts is realizing that you are loved and watched over by someone who has far more understanding than we do.
Your friend Josh had good advice for weight loss. Loseit! is a good website. If you would like something simpler I can send stuff to you. Email me.
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